ALIA

PHOTO BY RANDY BACON

ALIA

“Give Yourself Grace”

My son Kieran Lee is diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I also have struggled with mental health my entire life. I want my son to know that a happy and healthy life is possible despite mental health challenges. This desire has led me to advocate for mental health services and prioritize my own wellbeing.

Honestly, I don’t know that I could think of a part of our life that has NOT been impacted by mental health. I heard someone say once that serious mental illness is the friendship killer. When your kid has cancer the troops rally; they make casseroles, and help with your laundry, but with mental illness don’t know what to do or say so they just disappear. We have spent the equivalent of weeks in waiting rooms, hospitals, on the phone…trying to get care. It has impacted relationships, education, employment, and caused legal issues.

Any time we are in a crisis situation it always becomes painfully obvious how ill-equipped people are to deal with serious mental illness. Seeing someone who is frightened of my kind, generous, protective, loving, intelligent son makes my stomach drop and then makes me angry every time. I tell myself to use the opportunities as teaching moments but when it’s your kiddo it’s hard to maintain perspective. We have met some amazing individuals on our journey but unfortunately, they are the exception, not the rule.

My son has an army of supporters, is from an upper middle class, white family, with the means and influence to demand care for him. My heart breaks for those navigating this broken system with less privilege than we have been afforded. Access to care is a MAJOR barrier in our community and mental health is the root cause of so many challenges we face.

I would tell anyone dealing with similar challenges to be persistent. Be your own advocate. Give yourself grace. You have to work 10x as hard as everyone else to be able to just show up in the room, much less to be productive in it. Your struggles are not fair, but they may offer hope and inspire others. Always hang in there, it may not feel like it right this moment, but you are loved, valuable, and needed.