I am Pati. Big P, Little ati, don’t confuse me with a 'tty' or a 'tti'...ONE T, ONE I, haha! I am also a drug addict in recovery, two years and counting, as of October 8, 2015. I am a single mother of three beautiful children. I am of mixed race and fought the world from day one it would seem. I grew up in a small town in and out of foster care and group homes because of my mom’s drug and child abuse. In high school, someone burned a cross in my backyard as a sign of the KKK's hate, which left me less than feeling loved.
I leased my first apartment at age 16 because my family moved away and I was still in school. I worked full-time, paid my own bills, went to school and....partied...a lot. I would spend my weekends tripping acid or drinking, and sleeping around. I was a single teenage girl looking for the love of a dad I never knew.
Then I moved and met the father of my twins. We were together for three years and our twins were born at 30 -weeks-old. They barely lived, weighing 1.15 and 2.12 pounds. That didn't last so I ran into the arms of a man I grew up with. We were together six years and helped me raise my twins. Unfortunately, alcohol broke us apart in 2009 and I was devastated and decided to try Meth. I also had a major gambling problem where I blew $200,000 between 2007-2012. I didn’t think of the past when I was high. Who was I hurting? I only got high alone at home. I was NOT partying or letting people come over, right? I fell deeper into Meth, spending upwards of $500 a month. Then, I met my would be husband Josh. He was handsome, funny and shared much in common. He made my laugh return where I had been sad for four years and I finally saw sunshine.
We had many good times and were married in a beautiful wedding in Eureka on July 3, 2010. However, we shared a drug problem and what was once a $500 a month habit quickly advanced to taking every dime we had. We began fighting all the time and then I found out I was pregnant. I discontinued all use during pregnancy, but when my daughter was only 5-months-old, I decided to “try” Meth again. As Meth and the devil does, they both dug their claws in. I lost my looks, my teeth fell out and my marriage was nothing. A year later, Josh left and on August 26,2013, the cops and Division of Family Services (DFS) showed up to remove my children -- they had gotten five calls regarding their safety. I thought my life was over. My husband and my children were gone. I was trying to cash in the devil's lies and realized I’d been paid in counterfeit money.
I began the DFS process and court and stayed sober until October 8th and the devil told me “they haven’t tested you for drugs, they aren’t gonna.” My caseworker ‘Luke” called for me to go take a random drug test. It was over. I knew it was BIG DECISION. I KNEW IT WAS TIME TO QUIT THE DRUGS.
All I could do was sleep and read my bible. I read the book of Job a hundred times. I felt like Job..hindsight, I was nothing like him. He was righteous and brought none of it on himself…I had done this all myself.
I was only allowed supervised by DFS to see my kids one hour a week. I was devastated all they did was cry the whole hour and say they wanted to come home. I had done to my kids what my mom had done to my sister and I. I thought I was different because I was working and attending Drury and the devil told me daily: 'You aren’t like them, they are addicts, you work and go to college, you're fine.'
When I was cleaning the pipes and meth bags out of my house, I found a Bible. I had written a question on a page to my doctor about how I could help my ex-husband Josh get better. My doctor's response hit me like a ton of bricks: ”He needs a spiritual fix” I read. “You need a spiritual fix, You need God.”
I began to read more and more and the more I read the more it was time to find a church because the Bible says that we need a church. I realized he was coming back for the “bride” and I wasn't part of that. I had a friend who and she seemed “crazy” about God so…for three days and nights I drove around her house getting the courage to stop. SHE WAS NEVER HOME. I felt like God was saying go back yet I also felt the devil saying “clearly it’s not meant to be or she’d be there.” One day she was finally home! Standing on her porch, I told her I was ready to take her up on the offer of church from five years ago. On Jan 26, 2014 I was baptized in the precious name of Jesus and received the baptism of the Holy Ghost that same March. It’s been a wild ride. I hated the church for about the first six months and I wasn’t sure about the people. But I knew that God was there and I needed him, so I kept going.
Today, they are the family my heart had longed for and I love them dearly. Weeping when they weep and rejoicing when they rejoice. Freedom really can happen!
For six months I sat in the pews without my children. I prayed daily for God to keep them safe and loved. I didn’t know if that meant they would stay gone or what. I just knew that God knew best. I prayed for God to show me his heart, and He kept leading me back to this church. The loving kindness the people showed me from the day I walked into has been amazing! God did what needed to be done for me to see him. He removed ALL things blocking my view. ALL things I put BEFORE HIM. Many, many meetings, counseling, drug testing and life counseling, court and church. I have been smoke free for 15 months and drug, alcohol and gambling free for over two-years. The chains that once bound me are still falling off in the name of Jesus. Then, my girls were returned.The emptiness of my heart and pew where now filled with the restored family of my dreams. My marriage would never be restored and the divorced was finalized in August, 2013. God doesn’t always say yes, but he always says “this answer is because you are loved more than you know.” God says He will be my spouse. I know this to be the truest words. Where I thought I would be lonely, I have peace and feel more loved than I ever did.
People ask me how have you done it SIMPLY –JUST JESUS. When I have needed drugs, cigarettes or anything I have read he is against I called on him and as his word truly says HE delivered me.
Some people think I am crazy BUT I KNOW I AM FREE so I’ll gladly take it I am truly living the best days of my life. He is the GOD of sobriety, restoration, he is my spouse, a father to the fatherless and the KING of kings. God said in 2 corinthians, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I am never out of the wood so to speak but I finally see the light at the edge and when you been sitting in the miry pit buried in the woods, that’s more than enough to stay encouraged.