"We have overcome domestic abuse, but still suffer from Post-traumatic stress disorder and depression. I'm also bipolar so at one point, cutting myself was the only way to cope. My daughter Maria has Aspergers. It has been a tough road, to say the least."
I got pregnant at age 17 and I felt like I was a total disappointment to my family. When I was in high school, teenage pregnancy wasn't as common as it is today, so it was a big embarrassment and let down to everyone.
When I had my son July 26 1994, I thought I was ready to be an adult and to be married, but the fairy tale didn't last. Something was wrong with me. I was always on edge, angry and depressed. I constantly felt off. I felt like a horrible mother, wife, daughter, sister and aunt. So basically my son grew up without me because I just wasn't stable. I regret that more than anything. I thought everyone would be happier without me because they would not have to sit there watch me mess anything else up. I felt like a total failure. The depression and anxiety got so bad that i began to cut myself as a way to end the pain, to even breath at times. I kept the cutting a secret, trying to hide the pain with a fake smile.
After a man told me he understood how I felt, I fell in love; I was hooked. I got pregnant and had my daughter Maria on October 18, 2002. However, I was still feeling off, cutting and knew I had to get help. My parents knew something was wrong and begged me to get treatment. After treatment, treatment and more treatment and discovering a deep faith in God, I owe much of my recovery my family and God.
I fell head over heels in love with my baby girl Maria. Not only was she my lifesaver, she's my world, my rock, my everything. I found out that I was going to be a single mom and my daughter was autistic all in one month. Despite our differences we are one. We will always be one! One love, one heart, one life!
My advice for someone else going through these things is there is nothing wrong with feeling "off". What is wrong is thinking no one knows about it or that they don't care. Someone at this exact time is going or has gone through what you have been thru or going thru at the moment. Keep faith and know that you are special to someone somewhere and that there is a reasoning for you to still "belong." It hurts more people by keeping your "issues" a secret than letting it be known. Don't give up!"